This is the first time I have felt like writing in months. I haven’t been sure which direction I wanted to take any more. There is so much information on Astrology out there already. I don’t want to be just another voice saying the same things as everyone else. I also don’t want this to be a purely intellectual exercise. I could talk theories all day, along with most therapists. But my strength lies in my ability to bring theory into practice. To take abstract concepts and apply them in therapy and to see them in real life situations. I want to do the same with Astrology. Sometimes this means first seeing them in myself.

Tonight’s full Moon falls in Swati Nakshatra, Scorpio using Tropical Rasis. I have read online articles with predictions about the “intensity” and possible conflicts with this full Moon, but for me, I’m feeling wonderful. I have Venus and Sun in Scorpio in my natal chart and the Moon should be transiting my Venus as I am writing this. I feel moved to discuss my Sun/Venus conjunction, which I believe I have been struggling with lately. Using Parashara’s Lajjitaadi Avashtas, the Sun agitates and thirsts Venus when conjunct, which originally caused me to look outward for fulfillment in many ways. As a girl I always wanted to find “true love” and that search was prized above all else as it seemed the only thing worth having. Scorpio Venus made me a little obsessive at times, unable to let go and this obviously lead to disappointment until I could learn to access the boon of my Exalted Jupiter and tap into the wealth of happiness within that is available to me whenever I need it. But my Su is weak and lately, I have been thinking a lot more about Venus thirsting the Sun instead, as this has started to become noticeable to me in ways I didn’t anticipate, and I believe it is an obstacle to my future success.

Ernst Wilhelm states that, “The Sun is our creative inspiration, inspiration by its very definition comes from within, not from external sources. The creativity of the Sun when starved by Venus […] is created by another or by nature rather than from self-creation. The fire of inspiration is thus lacking. This fire is the most powerful fire available, the fire that can burn through the setbacks in life – through disappointments, the health problems, the disasters etc. The one thing that can truly be counted upon to always light the way is the fire of inspiration, the fire of the Sun. Venus starving the Sun lacks that unquenchable fire. As long as the individual’s creativity is linked to some external creative force the person can feel alive, but when that link is broken, there is nothing left for the person. […] When life does lead to a fulfilling path, there will be great enthusiasm and strength, but how long does any path that is not self- created last?”   

Now, of course this description is of the Avashta by itself, isolated from any other possible positive influences it may have from other planets. I have spent some time, observing how this presents within my own life. At first it was confusing, as I consider myself a creative person and very driven to manifest what I want. Whatever I desire, I simply go after it and accomplish it. But have I ever really created something long term or substantial? And what happens when there are no more strong desires for “success” like I am experiecing at this point in my life?

I want to work for myself and help people in the ways I believe in, but when I actually tried to create a business, I found myself lacking the drive and momentum to actually build it up and keep it going. I just wanted to continue my studies and talk with people – I didn’t want to market or network or think too much about business things. However, if I had someone to do these things with, I would be much more inclined to do them. I began to think about it and what I really desire is to be a business partner or a part of team as I do need others energy to motivate me. I see it in my yoga practice as well, at home I can do the poses, but I am not inspired to push myself and I require the creativity of the teacher to motivate me and draw out my effort. I desire to connect more with nature and go hiking and camping. But I have no motivation to do these things by myself- to create those experiences out of nothing. It’s funny, because I consider myself an introvert, but when it comes to creating all these experiences I want, I am starting to realize I really do need the inspirational fire of others to bounce off of and to get my own fire burning. My weak Sun’s fire simply doesn’t blaze as bright and strong as I wish it would.

So perhaps that’s why I have felt uninspired to write. I am feeling content and I know I have SO much inside me to share with the world, and lots of projects to create…but I need others to inspire me to action, and I need the power of relationship and an energetic exchange to inspire my creativity to flow. For a long time now, I have tried to get in touch with my creative fire and attempted to stoke it. But I have not been successful. I have “delight” coming from Mars, which shows I am capable of making things happen once I feel inspired to do something. I have a wealth of knowledge and interesting experiences from which to work, and my thirst for learning is forever driving me to gather new information. But I do believe I will require others to create what I want to see in this world.

One of the things I have found helpful for this conjunction is guided meditations that visualize integration, particularly some of the “Twin Flame” ones that I have found online that integrate and abosrb “other” parts of the self that have been cut off. When integrating the shadow, it is not always the bad or ugly parts that we are repressing or cutting ourselves off from. Often there are useful traits like “creativity” or perhaps the fire of the Sun. So shadow work in general would likely help this kind of conjunction but is especially helpful when working with Rahu/Ketu. This Sun/Venus conjunction has an intimate connection with my Ketu/Rahu axis. My Ketu is in Aries and by same ruler (Mars) conjunction, Ketu is “swallowing” my Sun. Venus is in Swati Nakshatra (Rahu), and Rahu is in Libra which is ruled by Venus.  And given that Ketu in Aries wants to do everything alone by herself and needs to learn the balance of trading with others, it would seem this conjunction creates the deficit that must be remedied by the position of Rahu. After all of the personal work and healing I set out to do over the past 9 years (Ketu number of completion), working creatively and partnering up with others is likely to be the primary task for the years ahead.